A while ago, someone sent me two questions.

1. How do you know if someone is “the one”?
2. What if you fall out of love?

Let me start by respectfully saying… These questions are ridiculous.

You know that little saying, “There are no stupid questions”?  Well, it’s a lie.  There are, and these are.

Now, let’s answer them.

This whole idea about there being just one person for each of us is very romantic…. and very nonsensical.  I mean, think about it for just one second.

I about died laughing one time when Matt Chandler was talking about this.  He pointed out that if just one person hundreds of years ago happened to marry the wrong person, then it meant that another person who was supposed to marry that one marries the wrong person as well, and then both of their “ones” married wrong people and on and on.  A domino effect of everyone marrying the wrong people.  By now, you could pretty much bet we’re all marrying the wrong person, because some dodo screwed it all up for everyone.

You see the problem?

And then to view love as something you just fall in and out of… sounds kind of dangerous.  Like catching the flu bug.

So let me get this straight.  A person can just be going along, minding their own business when wham they plummet into love, like dropping through an open manhole cover on the street.  And then years later they could be going in to get their taxes done and bam they tumble again… but oh dear, its with someone different now and they just can’t help it and oops, sorry, time to move on, I guess I made a mistake the first time I dove head over heels.  My bad.

I write about love a lot (see the “real love”, “marriage” and “love” Categories in the right sidebar) mainly because I think our culture has such screwed up ideas of what love is.  You don’t even have to know facts like over half of our marriages end in divorce.  You just have to watch one romantic film.

How about the earth shattering idea that you know someone is the one for you by looking at their worldview, spirituality/religion, values, habits, and future plans/goals to see if they line up with yours?  Notice how they treat others, how willing they are to serve, how they deal with conflict, how they respond to criticism, if they can apologize and take responsibility, and how they view children.  Can you deal with the facts of their past, like former relationships, possible debt, or instant step-children?  Does this person respect you?  Do you respect them?  Is this a person you enjoy being with?  More than anyone else?

And, if after marrying someone because you love them, you ever think you are falling out of love, I hope and pray someone cares enough about you to slap you across the face.

I’ll say it again.  Love is a choice. It is an action, something you make a decision to do and then follow through on.  It is doing the passionate thing, yes, and often the exciting thing.  It’s also doing the hard thing, and the right thing.

And you know what?  It ends up being a wonderful thing, and even better than you imagined.