I recently read an article in the Wall Street Journal that discussed what factor age plays in marriage.  It used numbers from a study conducted in 2002, which showed a very high divorce rate among those who married under age 18, with the percentage decreasing as age increased.

48% of people who enter marriage when under age 18 will divorce

40% of 18- and 19-year-olds will divorce

29% of those who get married at age 20 to 24 will divorce

24% of the 25-and-older will divorce

By looking at these numbers alone, one would assume that it is better to wait to marry.

This just didn’t jive with what the media has reported, however.  People are putting marriage off later and later, but supposedly the divorce rate is climbing as well.  How many times have I heard something along the lines of, “Over half of marriages are ending in divorce”?

What I found was simply shocking.  Ahem.

It isn’t so much the age we get married that affects marital success . It’s why.

The 18 and under crowd mainly married due to unexpected pregnancy.  They were usually teens still in high school.  Not a good recipe for a happy marriage.

I have a hunch that those who marry between 18 and 19 are fresh out of high school, with heads full over over-idealized romanticism.  Life hits hard and fast and the first inclination is to think, “I made a mistake” especially when everyone probably told them they were marrying too young anyways.  Even if they wait several more years till divorcing, many still fall back on the age excuse, saying things like they never got to be their own person, or find out who they were.

Those who wait until their later twenties still have a relatively high divorce rate.  The largest reason I could find was financial.  For most of these couples, both are entering the marriage with large college debts looming over their heads.  Most couples are no longer satisfied with frugal apartments and lifestyles, so they rush right into buying a new home with new furniture and all the trimmings.  Before they know it, they are over their heads in bills, a mortgage and credit card debt, all while still whittling away at the college debt.

So, is it better to wait?  As I look at the entire U.S. population as a whole, this is what I see.  Most of the females who put off marriage till later do so out of a sense of “should”.  They should get a degree, they should get a good job, they should be able to take care of themselves.  And they usually do all those things, and well.  All the while, they are keeping their eye out for husband material.

The guys, on the other hand, see it as an opportunity to extend adolescence.  They might go to college, and they might finish.  They might get a job, but they probably won’t.  If they do get a job, they whine about working 40 hours.  They tend to spend their money on junk and complain as much as possible about the economy.  What they really want is a girlfriend to pay the bills and sex with no strings.

Then there are the statistics that say Christian couples have an even higher divorce rate than the general population.  I dug a little deeper and while it still seems unclear due to all the back and forth studies of varying institutions, there are some obvious lessons to be learned from this.

First, I’m going to go out on a limb here and state that most people who claim to follow Christ have no idea what the Bible actually says about marriage, love, sex and family.  Oh, they have a lot of ideas and prejudices and habits… but not a lot of knowledge.

Secondly, when searching for the percentage of American who claim to be Christians, I found numbers ranging from 78-85%.  And yet, I know that the number of people who actually live as Christ followers is no where near that number.  I think perhaps 78-85% is how many people in America are religious (pay tithes, go to a church regularly, or go to church twice a year, etc) but have no real evidence of a transformed life.

Interestingly, the divorce rate drops to between 1-8% for Christian couples who pray together. Now, prayer is not the magic bullet, just as moving to a Northeast state like Connecticut or Massachusetts isn’t going to necessarily help even though they have the lowest divorce rates.  I would propose that husbands and wives who pray together tend to hold high respect for marriage, esteem each other as bearers of God’s image, and have a better understanding of what makes marriage work according to the principles of the one who created it (God).

Over and over, I read that the divorce rate rises significantly if a couple lives together before marriage.   Despite popular belief, cohabitation is a terrible testing ground to get to know one another and see if you’re compatible.   A couple studies stated that it is the cohabitation itself that leads to an increased risk of divorce, over any other factor.  I couldn’t really find anything on why couples who shack up eventually decide to marry.

As high as divorce rates are for marriages, they soar for second and third marriages.  Most of the numbers I found were around 60% of second marriages failing, and 73% of third marriages.

So.

It’s a lot of numbers and studies and this and that.  The kind of stuff you have to take with a grain of salt because there are always exceptions.  And yet, it can tell us so much about how worldview and lifestyle affects the relationships in our life.

I have deep compassion for those who have suffered divorce and I don’t mean to reduce you to a number or statistic.  In case you haven’t noticed, I am passionate about honestly relating the way I believe love and marriage really works.  Not because I think I’m an expert, because I’m not.  Most days I feel like I am grasping and clawing just to remain someone who has any right at all to claim to be in a happy marriage.

See, these scribblings I post regarding such unfathomable things as love do not come from ideas and beliefs of mine.  Believe me, if it were up to me I would make it a heck of a lot easier.  It would involve stuff like lots of dark chocolate and sparkly unicorns, not serving and living unselfishly.

One thing I do know, though.  There is one who created marriage and knows how it works.  He points to his word when I ask how I am to live.  And even if everything came crashing down, despite all my attempts at following his word, he would still be unshaken.  His promises would still remain true.