Today is the fourth and final part to a series entitled, Liberated, but not free.  You can read the previous parts, What is freedom? What is equality? and What is a homemaker?

There is another factor that weighs in greatly on the decision each woman makes regarding her occupation, be it a career or homemaking, or an attempt to have both.

Success.

We all define it differently.

When asked to define success, most of us relate it to prosperity in regards to income. It is ultimately measured by things such as house, car, clothing, vacations, and entertainment – or societal expectations such as status, image, independence, and prominence.

An interesting note ~ All the women in the pictures brought up in a Google image search for “successful woman” wore business suits.

But what if true success was more accurately measured by intangible, lasting things?  Things like relationships, bonds with our children, equipping the next generation, legacy, and quantity time?

A change in the way we personally measure success, as opposed to automatically accepting our culture’s standard, may result in women feeling more free to choose her heart’s calling instead of feeling pressured into a rigid societal ideal.

This series hasn’t really answered the needs of exceptions like single moms, or families with a husband unable to work.  For you, I hope and pray that you have a strong community of friends and family to help ease your burden.  I long for good, upstanding men for you single ladies.

Next week, look for Baby Daddy’s next part in his “Fair and Balanced” series, specifically written for men.

Have a wonderful New Year!

This is the third part of a series, Liberated but not free. You can catch up by reading the preceding parts, What is freedom? and What is equality?

I have found that whenever the subject of women and the role of homemaker is discussed, it is clear that there is an over-arching assumption that it is inferior to almost anything else a woman could aspire to.  This is evident by the automatic reaction that frequently accompanies any statement that encourages women to be homemakers.  What follows are indignant cries of injustice as the accusations mount; such as purporting that the supporters of women as homemakers view women as lesser citizens, desiring to spit on progress while turning back the hands of time to once again shackle women to the kitchen sink.

Let’s pretend for a moment that the assumption a homemaker is an inferior calling is incorrect, based upon a misunderstanding of the vocation itself.

What is the stereotypical vision of a homemaker?  If a dumpy frump with baggy sweats and stained t-shirt mindlessly going through the motions of laundry and dishes as screaming children run through the house wreaking havoc comes to mind, you have swallowed the lie that has been knowingly or unconsciously fed to you, perhaps all your life.

If it is accompanied by terms ranging from “boring,” “mind-numbing,” and “out-dated,” to the more militant terms like “subservient” and “sexist,” or even to such viciousness as “parasite,” know that you are a product of the hijacking of feminism that occurred even after women fought for equal rights in the 18th century.  What began as a movement against oppression and inequality was seized and altered into a direct attack on housewives and anything resembling a traditional family structure.

I could talk about Betty Freiden, Virginia Woolf, and Simone De Beauvoir, but that would be going down a long and winding rabbit trail.  (Although Gloria Steinem herself stated on television that only the enemies of feminism ever said that women could have it all, meaning both career and family.  It is interesting to think who these “enemies of feminism” are who perpetuate the superwoman myth.)

So what is a correct description of homemaker?

There is, of course, the obvious cooking, cleaning, laundry, and child rearing, along with all that pertains to that such as the children’s education, shopping, banking, etc.

This is where we usually stop, but there is so much more to consider.  Even public schools at one time recognized in some small way the full scope of all that homemaking entailed, as most provided Home Economics courses that taught things such as nutrition, cooking, sewing, and child development.

A woman embracing her role as homemaker isn’t content with mere existence, she is strong, active, and multi-talented, fully  engaged with meeting the needs of her home, children and husband creatively and joyfully.  Depending on her particular skills, perhaps she studies natural health or a foreign language, teaches music, gardens, utilizes business knowledge, volunteers and ministers to those less fortunate, or creates works of art.

This is not a life of drudgery.  It is a mission, a calling full of purpose and meaning.

She is an entrepreneur, managing her home with enterprise and resourcefulness.

Modern times and the introduction of a variety of labor-saving appliances have not made the role of homemaker unnecessary.  Rather, women taking advantage of these tools are able to accomplish more than just the daily menial tasks that threaten to take up her time.  The advancement in computers and technology has enabled women to easily connect with those around her, find needed information, complete research, and self educate.  There is a greater freedom to give and receive encouragement, plan outings with the children, assist her husband, run a home business, and on and on.  The twenty first century has brought an even greater ability for a homemaker to make full use of her talents, even more than if she were restricted to a typical 9 to 5 job.

Along with saving time and labor, technology has brought us to an unprecedented level of constant noise via entertainment, networking, and communication.  This unrelenting barrage that constantly pulls the family apart has made the steady, loving female presence in the home an even more important need.

Even more obviously, it has made her an irreplaceable need.

Yesterday I asked readers to consider the current generally accepted definition of what it means for a woman to be free, and suggested that amidst the cries for rights and equality, the definition of “freedom” has gotten smaller and smaller. You can read more at Liberated, but not free ~ What is freedom?

Another term that has taken on a strange twist is equality.

Women have fought hard to have equal rights, to have equal value as men.  I proposed the possibility that this was in large part necessary because of the changing tide of economics and industry, and its effect on housewives.  I suggested that we should have  rejected the changed perception of a housewife, and not the role itself.

Through rejecting the role of homemaker, women got the strange idea that to be considered equal, they had to take on masculine qualities.

The call for equal rights and equal value became confused with equal function.

As women have believed the lie that they “deserved” to be treated like a man, they have taken on more and more attributes of men, and then are left wondering where all the men have gone.

Um, they’re at home gorging themselves on junk food and playing video games, forever lost in Little Boy Land because now they have the best of both worlds…  Someone with breasts to bring home the bacon.

Okay, women are not to blame for boys who refuse to grow up.  And, of course, there are and always will be men who continue to obtain and hold good jobs.  But the general changed perception men have of women, and the resulting lack of respect towards females cannot be denied.  Even men who have “matured” in every sense of a societal meaning of the word, still often hold a distinct adolescent view of women as made evident in their crude behavior and mode of relating to women.

But, I was talking about women, not little wanna-be men.

When women confuse the definition of equality to mean, “treat me like a man” it’s not long before they become angry.  Why?  Because some idiot had the audacity to not treat them like a lady.  And so it goes, in a circle so ironic it hurts.

Ladies, you deserve to be treated equally.  With equal value, that is.  It needn’t mean you confuse it with equal function  and insist on doing all the things a man does.  Why settle for that?  There is nothing lesser or demeaning about the characteristics of women that sets us apart from men.

In fact, I would submit that under a correct understanding of what a homemaker is, it is a far greater vocation than anything else a woman could aspire to.

We’ll talk further tomorrow about defining what a stay-at-home mom really is.

As a side note, Christianity is the only major belief system to not only view women as equal to men in value, but also considers women to be of great worth, compares them to precious gemstones, and commands husbands to serve them with love and understanding.

Freedom.

It’s something each one longs for.  Freedom of speech, religion, and to pursue happiness.  Free to live, to love, to be.

What does it mean to have freedom as a woman?

Women have marched, been arrested, preached and voted in the name of freedom.  It’s not something to take lightly.  This country allows and even encourages freedom for women.

It has not come without a price.

Amidst the cries for rights and equality, the definition of “freedom” has gotten smaller and smaller.  Now, a woman is only considered truly “free” if the following is met;  She must be independent from anyone, including a man and even her children.  She must have an extensive college education and then she must hold a high-paying job.  She must sleep around.  She must, she must, she must.

It’s ironic that, for women, freedom has become so limiting.

In just a handful of years, we went from not being able to earn a living to feeling guilty if we aren’t working to earn our keep.  It’s considered archaic to encourage a woman to remain within the home, and preposterous for any woman to even desire that.  Isn’t being only a housewife stifling?  Isn’t that demeaning?

Isn’t it… burdensome? I’ve written a little before on the subject of the double burden working mothers carry. But we’ll talk more about that on day 3 of this series.

For now, let’s stay on task.  Before the need came to fight for the rights of women, wives and mothers contributed to the prosperity of the household through a variety of ways, none of which competed with the well-being of the household.  When that was stripped away during the Industrial Revolution, a housewife was suddenly deemed useless, her identity narrowed down to a cute apron with brains of mush.  It was no wonder women rejected that.

But what they should have rejected was the mindset, and not the vocation.

While the specific applications of being a housewife has had to adapt to a shifting culture, the need for a steady, strong female presence in the home has not.

She is the center of a home’s success.  She is the bond that strengthens. 

She is the heart.

We’ll be exploring further today’s definition of a “stay-at-home mom”, right after we tackle the meaning of “equality”.  Stay tuned!