Am I as quick to make allowances for others as I am for myself?

I remember reading somewhere that we judge others by their actions, but ourselves by our intentions.  Which are always good, by the way.

I had a really grumpy checkout girl at the store today.   She did not greet me at all before proceeding to jerkily grab my items and toss them into the waiting bag.  And then, oh the horrors, I had the nerve to make her wait 20 seconds.

See, I had purchased two rather large basket hampers and was having difficulty getting them out of the cart where they were wedged.

By her displeased expression and long sigh, you would have thought she was expected to carry them all the way home for me, not simply reach across the counter with her little checkout gun and press a button.

While she finished the sale and I kept the children corralled and happy, I wanted to tell her to get a grip, grow up, wake up, and stop thinking everything was about her as she tried to make everyone around her as miserable as she was.

Instead, I imagined all the sad things that could have happened to cause such a bad mood.  Perhaps she had just had an awful argument with her boyfriend.  Or maybe they had ended a long relationship.  Maybe her cat was sick.  Maybe she had failed a really important test.  Maybe she had tons of college homework and was stressing about juggling work and school.  Maybe she was a single mom who was just freakin’ tired and needed a nap.

I began loading bags back into my cart.  “You have to work much longer today?” I asked with a smile, thinking maybe polite conversation might break through her black cloud.

She stared at me.

“Too bad the weather isn’t nicer.  Hope you’ll have a good day anyways!”  I added when she failed to answer.

She ripped my receipt off the register, handed it to me, and retorted with a bored expression and a slight roll of her eyes, “Yeah. I guess.”

“I’m sorry you’re having a bad day.  I hope it gets better.”  I said quietly, with all sincerity, taking my receipt.

She looked at me, her eyes filling with tears, and whispered, “Thank you.  I needed that.”

Um, no.  That’s a lie.  I wish I could say that’s how it went.  But here’s the real story…

She looked at me briefly, then turned around and began ringing up the next customer.

And that was that.

Maybe there wasn’t a tragedy that precipitated her foul mood.  Maybe she was just a bitch.  I’ll never know. Doesn’t matter.

And maybe this post would have been better if I had ended it after the first two sentences, because it really doesn’t have a happy ending.

How do I handle my areas of weakness?

Do I have a habit of explaining any lack on my part through justification?

• Okay, so X may be true, but it’s totally natural/understandable/expected because of Y.
• That’s just my personality.  If you can’t accept me for who I am, that’s your problem.
• That’s not my gifting.

Do I have a habit of explaining any lack on my part through blame-shifting?

• Yeah, X is true, but it’s because my parents/teacher/spouse did/didn’t/said Y.  You should actually feel sorry for me.  I’m the victim here.
• Hey, I was just responding to your behavior.  It’s your own fault.  How did you expect me to act?
• Nobody helps me.  Nobody pays attention.
  

Do I have a habit of explaining any lack on my part through denial?

• I don’t know what you’re talking about.
• How dare you judge me.
• So you think you’re perfect?

If the top-selling magazines are the result of a mindset that is individualistic and leads to a self-fulfilling, self-satisfying life…

Then why is the majority of their content about how to please your man sexually?

Are the words we choose to define ourselves based on truth?

We could be choosing words that give us an excuse to remain in our little box of inaction.  While it’s true that we cannot be all things to everyone, perhaps we too often justify our lack of willingness to step up by falling back on tidy, limiting definitions.

Or…

We could be using words of pity, based on depression.  This undermines the fact that we were created in love, with purpose and intent.  Maybe we’re so focused on what we aren’t that we cannot be what we should.

Or…

Maybe we even think too highly of ourselves, making our definition of self the be-all and end-all.  Allow others into your heart and life.  We were meant to share our struggles and life walk with others, to be a blessing and receive blessing.  Saying you can do it on your own may sound courageous, but is actually cowardice.

And on it goes…

What are some ways you’re making your home a place your spouse, family and friends (old and new) love to be?

I think every week I’ll post a question. I don’t have any specific plans on what topics they’ll be. I don’t plan that far ahead.  I just wing it.  So, here’s the first week, with the first question that came to mind.

What are the ways in which you may be acting in opposition to the reality you actually want to happen?

It’s strange how we can undermine ourselves.