A real man flirts.

A whole lot.

But with only one woman.

Part 1 was Strength.  Part 2, Works.  Part 3, Speech.  Part 4, Loves.

Part 1 was Strength.  Part 2 was Works.  Part 3 was Speech.

A real man understands that life is much bigger than himself, his needs and wants, or his video game score.

A real man makes love to his wife unselfishly.  He seeks to learn what pleases her.  He practices self-control.  He never stops wooing his wife.

A real man understands that washing dishes or vacuuming can be foreplay.

A real man is patient and tender with his children.  He isn’t afraid to get down on their level.  He challenges and stretches them while acknowledging their limitations and weaknesses.

Part 1 was Strength.  Part 2 was Works.

A real man is honest and sincere.  He doesn’t always have to be right.  He is quick to apologize.  He doesn’t mind listening.

A real man rarely, if ever, raises his voice.  He doesn’t belittle waitstaff.  He doesn’t resort to cussing over every little thing.  He doesn’t call you names.  He isn’t the guy who always has a dirty joke to tell.

A real man knows how to hold a conversation with an eight-year-old and an eighty-year-old.

A real man speaks respectfully and lovingly to his wife or girlfriend.

A real man doesn’t need to drop the f-bomb to make his point.

A real man doesn’t think he has to get loud to demand respect, because he’s already earned it.

A real man speaks life into his wife and children.  He praises, encourages, and expresses his care for them.

A real man isn’t afraid to talk about Jesus.

Part 1 was Strength

A real man knows that it’s up to him to get off his arse.

He is willing to put his time, skills, and strength to use.  He understands that it is primarily his responsibility to provide for his loved ones, and will do so even when it sucks.

A real man knows his real job isn’t done when he “clocks out”.  He is well aware that his most important roles are that of husband and father, and seeks to serve them even when he doesn’t feel like it.

A real man doesn’t hesitate to help wherever he is needed.  He does not think he is above any task.

A real man isn’t afraid to stand up for what is right.

A real man does not shirk from a difficult thing, if it is the right thing.

He knows that strength of character is more important than physical strength.

While a real man may be physically stronger, he only uses his strength for work, to protect, or maybe even just to impress his lady.  He never uses his brawn to intimidate those who are in his care.  If a male uses his superior strength to control a woman in any way, he is not a man.  He is a little boy with muscles.

A real man isn’t afraid to accept help.  Sometimes, he’ll even ask for it.

A real man values wise counsel.  He surrounds himself with other good men.

A real man knows that it isn’t all about him.

You can catch up on past posts…

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

You’ve heard the saying, If you need something done, ask a busy person.

Unfortunately, I’ve found that adage all too true!  Those who truly have their days filled wisely are often willing and able to squeeze something in that will be a help to others.

It’s good to ask myself, Am I really too busy or just lazy?  What I sometimes mistake for being “busy” is often simply poor time management!

We are going to fill our time with something, and we usually find a way to do the things we really want to do.  I think it would be more honest to say, I really don’t want to make time for that.

Take a good look at how you spend your days. Write down what you have to do, what you should do, and what you would like to do.

Now, come up with a daily rhythm.  I say rhythm because most of us would never stick to a schedule.  They are constricting and limiting.  But children and even adults thrive on a rhythm to their days.  Rhythms not only set clear expectations, they also allow for changes and surprises to occur without much stress.

Start with the things you absolutely must do, then add the others.  Try to be realistic with how much time each takes up.  You’ll probably have to adjust it a bit, but that’s expected.

The biggest blessing to having a rhythm is peace of mind.  I know that I can sit with my hot coffee and Bible or blog in the afternoon without any guilt because I made it part of my day.   Yes, a million things need to be done, but not right then.  That stuff will have their turn.

There may be some things you need to get rid of.  For example, I’ve gotten rid of any weekly commitments for the children out of the home, like ballet, since that just won’t flow with this season’s activities.

You may also need to limit how much time you spend with certain pastimes.  I know that for me, computer time can easily get the best of me if I’m not diligent.

When things seem to be pressing in, it helps to write tasks down.  I have been known to lie awake with thoughts racing over something, unable to sleep.  I also often have my children write notes down while we’re driving, as that is a time I often think of things.  Jotting them down seems to release their hold on me and free up my memory bank.  It just makes it easier to think!

During the course of your day, you can pretty much depend on little “fires” popping up that you’ll be tempted to “put out”.  The problem with these fires is that they all seem important, but probably aren’t as crucial as they feel.  Keep your have-to’s in mind first and foremost.  If the fires can wait at all, write them down and deal with them at a later time that you have set aside for catch-up stuff – say, during the children’s naptime.

Make a daily rhythm as well as a weekly rhythm.  Allow your rhythm to ebb and flow with real life, while still maintaining some consistency.  Your husband, children and home will thank you!

Part 1

Part 2

This is the third part to a series I’m writing about time management.  I think through writing it’s become clear that time management has a lot to do with heart issues just as much as practical skills!

Then there is the season we find ourselves in.  How a working wife, a mother with very little ones and a mother with older children each manage their home will be very different!

A mother who is home with all young ones to tend to will have a more difficult time doing anything because she is often their sole source of attention and nurturing.  She probably won’t have much time for her own pursuits. The question is, is she okay with that?  Or resentful of other’s seeming ‘freedom’?

If you have only little children, it’s helpful to recognize that it is just a season you’re in.  But there are some things you can do to make it easier.

Include your children.  Sure, washing dishes or the bathroom is easier without them, but in the long run you aren’t doing anyone any favors.  Give them a wet rag and let them “clean”.  Set them up at the sink with a little water, a few dishes and a scrub brush – and be prepared to mop the floor when they’re done.  Have them hold the dustpan while you sweep.  Be creative in involving them!

Wear your baby.  Ask other moms what their favorite baby carrier or sling is.  Better yet, wear theirs for a couple hours to see if you like it.  Most babies love to be carried, and will happily ride for hours.

Ask for help.  Is there a anyone that can come periodically and lend a hand?  Maybe she can help with some household tasks, or watch the children while you run errands or work on some projects.  Some will gladly come simply for the blessing of it, or perhaps you can work out a deal and barter services.

Mothers with older children have a great service right at their fingertips.  The question is, have you effectively trained them in tasks or have you insisted on doing it yourself the “right” way?

I wouldn’t be able to do half the things I do without my three older ones.  They help with meals, laundry and dishes every day, as well as the extra things like cleaning bathrooms and landscape work.  It takes a bit of time and effort at first to show them how things should be done, and there will be occasions when you have to reinforce what is expected.  Don’t let that deter you though, as everything they learn in running a home will only bless them greatly later in life!

Avoid gender laziness.  Boys need to learn how to do laundry, and girls can certainly take out the trash.  Do all future wives and husbands a favor and teach your children how to do a wide range of household tasks.

Recognize age limitations but also avoid allowing poor expectations to rule.  What I mean is, while a 3-year-old may not be able to cook a meal he can certainly set the table.  Take abilities and particular traits into consideration.  I think it’s important to note that most children would surprise their parents with what they’re capable of!

Sickness, new babies, guests staying, weather, and on and on all have an effect on home life.  Each of them can be their own Season, and we would do well to recognize them and adjust accordingly.  Remember that no season lasts forever!

You can find Part 1 here.

Pride can be a deadly thing.

I know firsthand the damaging consequences of pride.  I have been too proud to admit my shortcomings, and it resulted in hypocrisy and pretense.

It didn’t matter if I pretended to have it all put together.  An unannounced visitor would see otherwise.  My children and husband knew otherwise.  And I would grow weary and discouraged trying to keep the illusion a perceived reality.

Pride says, I can do it on my own.  Partly because I think I can do it the best, but mainly because I don’t want to concede that I need help.  People might see my warts, or at the very least, my dirty laundry!

Ladies, I would say that we were never intended to handle it all.  We were created to help one another.  The only way community is possible is if someone actually acknowledges they desire assistance and then welcomes the support!

There is always another wife or mother that we can learn from.  Don’t be afraid to ask questions or to seek her counsel.  Also, don’t automatically assume she’s older than you.  Sometimes the best admonition I received in my heart was after a conversation with a younger friend!

Pride also can say, I don’t have time for anyone else. It can prevent us from sharing with others the stuff we have learned.  We can become so wrapped up in our own homes and families that we don’t consider the responsibility we have to the other ladies in our life.  Yes, I think it’s possible to use our husbands, children, and daily tasks as excuses as we insulate ourselves from everyone around us.

If our home life is such that we are too preoccupied, exhausted, or uninterested in serving others, we need to check our hearts.  Some adjustments need to be made, internally and practically, so that we are being faithful with what we’ve been blessed with.

When people say “I don’t know how you find time for ________”, the possible connotations are many.

It could be said admiringly, as they express their appreciation.

It might be said in wonder, with a tinge of jealousy.

Or it could be said in a condescending light, with the implication that they disapprove.

I’ve come to the place where I no longer respond with defensiveness.  Along with finding a rhythm for us that allows our days to flow rather smoothly, I also have learned how to effectively manage the home and best utilize the tools I have.

Of course, I’ll be the first to admit I don’t have it figured out.  Life has a way of humbling me!  The key is to be consistent with what works, and then be ready to tweak, toss or add as necessary.

The more I thought about the issue of “time” the more I realized that I could never do the subject justice in one post.  I think it’s time for another series!  I’ve got plenty of encouragement, admonition and irritations floating around in my brain right now so this week I’ll attempt to get them down in publishable format for you to read.

For today, ask yourself if you’ve ever said (or thought) the comment “I don’t know how you find time for that!”  Now think about how you meant it, and what you were implying in your tone or harboring in your heart.

Was it admiringly?  In amazement?  Or condescendingly?

How we view that comment will shed a lot of light into how our own home is run.

If we are eager to learn better ways to manage our time, we tend to admire other moms and want to pick their brain.

If we are a bit stressed from our topsy-turvy homelife , we tend to be jealously amazed but doubt if anything similar is possible in our own home.

If we are feeling resentful due to differing choices we’ve made, we’ll tend to question other mom’s priorities and look down on them.

Am I as quick to make allowances for others as I am for myself?

I remember reading somewhere that we judge others by their actions, but ourselves by our intentions.  Which are always good, by the way.

I had a really grumpy checkout girl at the store today.   She did not greet me at all before proceeding to jerkily grab my items and toss them into the waiting bag.  And then, oh the horrors, I had the nerve to make her wait 20 seconds.

See, I had purchased two rather large basket hampers and was having difficulty getting them out of the cart where they were wedged.

By her displeased expression and long sigh, you would have thought she was expected to carry them all the way home for me, not simply reach across the counter with her little checkout gun and press a button.

While she finished the sale and I kept the children corralled and happy, I wanted to tell her to get a grip, grow up, wake up, and stop thinking everything was about her as she tried to make everyone around her as miserable as she was.

Instead, I imagined all the sad things that could have happened to cause such a bad mood.  Perhaps she had just had an awful argument with her boyfriend.  Or maybe they had ended a long relationship.  Maybe her cat was sick.  Maybe she had failed a really important test.  Maybe she had tons of college homework and was stressing about juggling work and school.  Maybe she was a single mom who was just freakin’ tired and needed a nap.

I began loading bags back into my cart.  “You have to work much longer today?” I asked with a smile, thinking maybe polite conversation might break through her black cloud.

She stared at me.

“Too bad the weather isn’t nicer.  Hope you’ll have a good day anyways!”  I added when she failed to answer.

She ripped my receipt off the register, handed it to me, and retorted with a bored expression and a slight roll of her eyes, “Yeah. I guess.”

“I’m sorry you’re having a bad day.  I hope it gets better.”  I said quietly, with all sincerity, taking my receipt.

She looked at me, her eyes filling with tears, and whispered, “Thank you.  I needed that.”

Um, no.  That’s a lie.  I wish I could say that’s how it went.  But here’s the real story…

She looked at me briefly, then turned around and began ringing up the next customer.

And that was that.

Maybe there wasn’t a tragedy that precipitated her foul mood.  Maybe she was just a bitch.  I’ll never know. Doesn’t matter.

And maybe this post would have been better if I had ended it after the first two sentences, because it really doesn’t have a happy ending.