Part one is identifying stones.

Part two is how the Bible defines love.

Part three is practicing Titus 2.

Part four is jewels in her crown.

The entire Bible is a picture of marriage – the love of the Bridegroom toward his Bride.

Our marriages are to be a picture of heaven on earth.

Above all,  Jesus should be our first love.  Only he can satisfy our every need (not our husband).

Expectations, disappointments and needs threaten to overtake, and our marriage suffers.  When we are completely fulfilled in Him, when having Him in our life and heart is more than enough despite any circumstance, then we are freed.

• Remember Jesus example of selfless love.
• Apply His kingdom principles to your marriage.
• As you seek to serve by pouring yourself into your husband, you will discover a greater joy than any amount of self-focus could bring.

Our marriage can be a victorious outflow of our passionate relationship with Jesus.

None of this stuff is what we want to hear.  It’s sure not what I want to hear!  I’d much rather follow the crap I read and hear everywhere that tells me to do whatever the hell I want, look out for myself first and foremost, and just look inside my heart for the answers.

So if you’re one to laugh at this kind of series, that’s okay.  You can have all the tired narcissistic dribble sold as the latest progressive approach to an enlightened marriage.

Cuz you know what’s funny?  Whenever I even begin to do any of that “I deserve, I am the answer, I demand” it’s-all-about-me garbage, stuff starts going down hill.  And fast.

Wow, it’s been quite a week.  I feel like I’ve been put through the wringer on this series.  We’re gonna take a breather and balance it out with some hard-hitting stuff for the guys.  Look for the next part from Robb’s Fair and Balanced series sometime next week.

The first part is Identifying stones.

The second part is how the Bible defines love.

The third is practicing Titus 2.

What if we replaced those stones with jewels? Instead of responding in negativity and selfishness, it’s possible to treat our husbands in a way that is like adding to a collection of precious jewels. So what could some of those jewels be?

A very true over simplification is – for a husband to be content he simply needs 3 things: food, sex and respect.

Okay, seriously now.
• Instead of being preoccupied or frivolous, seek to be an efficient help-meet and run a smooth-running, orderly home, considering his needs, time schedule, available resources.

• Instead of accusing him of insensitivity, making excuses, or simply cooperating, seek to give him pleasure, fulfill his desires, and thrill to both give and respond.

• You practice thankfulness and having a joyful spirit despite your circumstances.

• You seek to give, be a blessing to others and your husband, and attempt to grow in grace and knowledge.

• You seek to make your home a place of safety where your husband can be encouraged and satisfied.

• You greet him lovingly.

• You take initiative.  You choose to fill your time in useful pursuits and efforts that bless others.

• You choose to reverence your husband in your daily life.

There are many more ways you can collect jewels in your relationship with your husband.  May we be willing to do them.

Proverbs 12:4
A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that makes him ashamed is as rottenness to his bones!

Look for the fifth and final part tomorrow!

Part 1 identifying stones.

Part 2 how the Bible defines love.

Let’s dig in further. Titus 2 speaks a lot about women, wives, and mothers.

Titus 2
Concerning what they instruct the young women, They are to teach what is good… that the word of God is not blasphemed or reviled. It then lists eight characteristics the older women should teach the younger women, which we’ll list and then give some brief examples of how that may practically look.

(These instructions overlap in their applications)

1.    be sober

Marriage is a celebration, but also a grave responsibility.
Definition of this sober: to do one’s duty, be moderate, self-controlled, thoughtful, and learning to make wise decisions and judgments.
With your husband’s goals and visions in mind, you are planning and preparing ahead of time.
Exercising self-discipline.

2. love your husband

Our ministry is ultimately our husband.
Definition of this love:  phileao, as a companion and friend. Love him with a tender, affectionate love.
God meant for wives to be a comfort, a blessing, a reward, a friend, an encourager.

But more than being best friends, you are to be one flesh as it says in Ephesians 5.
1 Cor 7:2-5 Speaks of rendering due benevolence (giving sexual gratification) to each other, with each not having power of their own body but of each others. Defraud not one the other!
Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled. Hebrews 13:4

When denying your husband intimacy (anger, weariness, not in the mood) imagine the Devil lying in bed between the two of you, grinning.

3. love your children

Value children and view them as blessings. Be willing to spend time training them, caring for them and lovin’ on them.
The most precious and important gift a mother can give her children is to love their Daddy, being satisfied and content, and have a home of peace.

4. be discreet

As a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman without discretion. Proverbs 11:22

Many definitions.
prudent, avoiding error, wisdom in choosing – Husband being able to trust in you, as you seek godly counsel and wisdom, use resources wisely.
Courteous and gracious – considering others (husband) above yourself.  Trusting in his decisions. Honoring his authority without guile.

5. be chaste

also translated as pure or clear.
Keeping pure in thought, motive and action.

whatsoever things are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report; if [there be] any virtue, and praise, think on these things. Phillipians 4:8

Chaste also refers to modesty.
Your beauty is a treasure from God, intended only for your husband.

6. a keeper at home

Your marriage is now your career.
Your husband owns a grand enterprise and you are the manager.
His life, his agenda, becomes yours.
Creating a home is more than decorating and cleaning.  It is making a place that he loves to return to every day.  Oasis.
Practicing hospitality.

7. be good

[Whoso] findeth a wife findeth a good [thing], and obtaineth favour of the LORD. Proverbs 18:22

She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:12

So what is good?  Proverbs 31 describes actions to tell of how she will do good.
“seeks, works willingly, brings,  rises, gives, considers, buys, plants, girds, strengthens, perceives, stretches out her hands out.

Titus 3:14 says also learn to maintain good works for necessary uses, that they be not unfruitful.

8. obedient to own husband

1 Corinthians 11:3 The head of every man is Christ and the head of the woman is the man, and the head of Christ is God.

Genesis 3:16  thy desire shall be to your husband and he will rule over you.

It is natural for a wife to yearn for her husband’s attention, place, role.  To easily take upon herself what is not intended for her.

Ephesians 5 says Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Submission to your husband is submission to Christ.
It is not dependent on if your husband is righteous, wise, obedient, etc.

Second part says “own” husband.
Be careful that you do not heed another man (pastor, dad, respected friend) over your husband.

Look for the fourth part tomorrow, where I talk about something women love; jewels!

If you missed the first part, read Identifying stones.

Biblical concept of love

The Bible has a lot to say about love.  Let’s look for a moment at Jesus’ simple illustration of love.

John 13:34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.

Look at that part “Just as I have loved you”.  At the beginning of this chapter he had been sitting with his disciples, and then got up and washed their feet.
What had they been doing to deserve this?  NOTHING.  In fact, they had been quarreling among themselves, blaming, etc.

Jesus demonstrated a love of service and self-denial and then said,

“For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you.”

This applies to all form of love, including marital.  We often think of marriage in terms of “choosing” the right one, “taking” their hand in marriage, and other acts of what we receive.  But marriage is about giving yourself to another person.
God turns our ideas upside down!

Luke 22:26 Rather, let the greatest among you become as the youngest, and the leader as one who serves.
John 13:14 If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet.

Colossions 3:16 commands wives to submit to their husbands.

Okay, ladies.  Let’s not freak out over the “s” word.  While Jesus lived here as God in the flesh, he had great respect and love for the women in his life.  (Christianity has the highest regard for women and children than any other major religion, but that’s another subject.)  So what I’m saying is, he’s not about to tell us in Scripture to do something that will demean us or be to our disadvantage.

There have been, and always will be, those who twist Bible verses to justify mistreatment of women.  Scripture does not support abuse, and women in that situation should seek help.

As for mutual, servant love in a healthy, God-honoring marriage..  For what purpose do we do this?  The verse just above that says

And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

So we do it in the name of Jesus, in the spirit of thankfulness to God.  It goes on to speak to husbands, children, fathers and servants, then ends with

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

So this submission to our husbands is to be done heartily, as if we are submitting to God.

So just as love is not contingent on the other person’s worth, whether they are deserving, or what they can give in return.
Jesus was demonstrating an unconditional, forgiving, love.  It is a self-LESS love.

Ugh, this is hard.

But remember those stones I talked about yesterday that can we can carry around? Imagine trying to hug someone with both arms while still holding a pile of rocks. It’s pretty much impossible. Holding stones of resentment and selfishness prevent us from truly loving as we should.

See ya tomorrow!

Last week I was accused of something I have never, ever been accused of before.  I was charged with encouraging feminist thinking.

Um, what?

Normally, my smear campaign and hate mail revolve around the fact that I hold a strong biblical view of women and marriage. (Ladies don’t like being told that it’s not all about them.)

So, me encouraging a feminist spirit? It still makes me chuckle!

And so, to give more ammunition to my cute little gremlins who take issue with my traditional perspective of females, as well as to poke fun at the fact that someone actually tried to stick the feminist label on me, I’ll be reposting a series I did last year, A Wife of Purpose.  Hey, I’m all about ticking pretty much everyone off.

It’s not an exhaustive study, and I only touch briefly on many of the topics.  It’s basically to give an overview on what it means to be a wife of purpose, according to the Bible.

Besides, in just the past few months we’ve had numerous people comment admirably on our marriage.  I am thankful, but most do not realize what goes into having a truly blessed marriage.  I said it then and I’ll say it again, most do not want to do what it takes to have a wonderful marriage. I know there’s plenty of times that I don’t.  It’s hard.

Doing this study reminds me how much I fail regularly, but also gives me a renewed gratefulness for how far we’ve come.

Here’s Day 1, identify stones.

I remember that as I was planning to marry, I thought I was aware of what was ahead.  Not specifically of course, but generally speaking I thought I had an idea of what marriage would be like.

It was similar to this romantic concept of love:
You find a soul mate to experience life’s treasures and pitfalls with, create a family, and grow old together.

But someone described marriage this way:
Marriage is the continuous process of getting used to things you never expected.

Stones that weigh us down

Let’s imagine some circumstances or possibilities of married life. Whenever we incorrectly respond to our husband due to not practicing a biblical concept of love, imagine that becoming a stone that we carry.  These stones eventually weigh us down and become rocks of bitterness or resentment in our heart.

• You are busy and stressed, and you resent that he doesn’t help with anything or seem concerned.
• You are emotionally and physically exhausted, he’s neglected to be attentive and affectionate for several days, and you’re annoyed that he now desires to be sexually intimate.
• You have reason and justification for your lack of smiles and joyful spirit.
• Money is tight, but he makes what you consider to be an unnecessary purchase
• He is failing miserably in an area, and you speak critically to him or of him.
• He is 2 hours late, and forgets to call.  You greet him at the door with your problems and complaints.
• There is much around the home that needs to be done, and he doesn’t have the time or perhaps the interest to take care of them.  Instead of finding a way to accomplish them, you constantly “remind” him to no avail.
• You openly question a choice he made that you consider unwise.

I’m sure you can think of some more stones. Or maybe you just don’t recognize some things you do as being a stone, justifying them because you think they’re necessary or just part of your personality.

I mentioned that there is a biblical view of love. In the next part, we’ll talk about what that is. Look for it tomorrow morning!

I’ve been asked several more questions about cloth diapers, and I’ll do my best to answer them.

First, I was asked to define what the heck a chinese prefold was. Hm, I can tell you didn’t look at any of the links I so kindly gave you before you asked that. But I’ll be sweet and answer anyways.

This is a stack of chinese prefolds. You just fold them, usually into thirds, and place inside a waterproof diaper cover.

I use the infant size, even into toddlerhood. The bigger ones are just so bulky, but it’s personal preference really.
I do NOT recommend purchasing the cloth “diapers” you see at most stores, Gerber being the most common brand. They are not absorbent enough.

I was also asked where I purchased my diaper covers from. I have bought them from so many different places. I seriously just Google the brand I want and shop for the best deal. If it comes down to 2 or 3 places, I prefer to choose a mom-owned one.

The last place I ordered from was Cloth Diaper Clearance, and I purchased the old style Bumkins. The place I ordered from the time before that was The Original Natural Baby Catalog. I ordered the Nikky wraps.

Here is Baby sporting his Nikky. Okay, it’s a horrible picture to use since his onesie is covering up the diaper. But he’s so cute in it, and that’s really why I wanted to post it.

I was also asked how many prefolds and covers I bought. I have about 3 dozen prefolds and 4 covers. To tell you the truth, I’m not a good one to ask since we do the EC thing so I probably go through less diapers than most.

And because you’ll probably ask.. You can visit my family site to learn more about EC (elimination communication).

Working outside gives me a lot of time to think. But not a lot of time to blog. So while I have blog posts swirling in my head, I am challenged to find time to get them in writing.

Hopefully you enjoyed last week’s series, A Wife of Purpose. Writing it was very convicting for me, and there are so many areas that I need to grow in!

I think it’s evident that I have a passion for healthy, biblical marriages. They are something I pray about often and fervently, for myself and others. I believe God yearns to bless marriages, and will certainly do so as we seek His mind and heart on the subject.

Let’s be intentional, to not only be a “wife of purpose” but also to pray for the wives around us. I hope you have a friend you can trust to give you wise counsel and pray with. Feel free to ask for prayer requests here as well!

I didn’t hear from many of you. Did I tick you off? Do you think I’m a backwards, old-fashioned nutcase? *grin* That’s okay if you do think that. All I know is that God has blessed me with a joyful, loving marriage that’s better than I ever dreamed.

So, I’ll take being a nutcase.

A while ago I was asked to have a word at a friend’s bridal shower. I admit I lost a lot of sleep over what-in-the-world-am-i-going-to-say?  I pulled out a few marriage books, did Google searches, talked to a couple respected girlfriends, and was still coming up blank.

Everything seemed either too trivial or too typical.

It all started to come together just days before the party, but I continued to lose sleep.  Would they think it was silly?  Offensive? Too long?  Too short? Preachy? Redundant?

And then I remembered something that has been a comfort to me in the past whenever I was facing something similar.  If I simply did the best I could, trusting in God to move and bless, it would all be well even if I stuttered or forgot half my notes.  I had to remember that it was a God thing, not a Me thing, and He would be glorified regardless.

Easier said than done.

So, it came and went.  I wanted to share my notes with you and I hope you look past my lame efforts and see my heart in it.  It’s kind of corny.

It’s all beginning on Monday morning!