During high school, I was in an all-female choir class.  When the teacher asked us who wanted to sing a solo in the school’s annual spring production, she was met with silence.  So she “volunteered” me.

I don’t know what she was thinking.  There were certainly more talented singers than I in that class.  Regardless, my objections were ignored and she insisted I could do it.  It was just a prelude piece, a very short lead-in after which the entire choir would join in singing.  But for me in my bashful nervousness, I may as well have been asked to sing completely alone.  For an hour.  While prancing around in my underwear.  The complete and utter panic would probably have been the same.

The way I remember it is that I completely bombed the first night.

My throat closed, I could not get enough air into my lungs, and even the person standing right next to me could barely hear the squeaking that came out of my mouth.  No stretch of the imagination could call that botched attempt “singing”.

How was I possibly going to go through that again?

The choir director took me aside, and I thought she was going to make my dream come true and cut my part.  Instead, she told me something along the lines of, it wasn’t about “me” as the solo singer.  I was just a part of a bigger thing; the song as a whole, and the entire choir.  I could focus on myself and get all jittery and wigged out over a 30 second part, and where would it get me?  Or I could view it as something we were all a part of, put my heart and soul into it and end up having fun.

Fast forward ahead several years where I was once again jolted into reality by a loving woman.  She had noticed my shyness, which translated into the fact that when I was in any group, I would latch onto the one or two people I knew well and basically ignore everyone else.   If someone did  attempt to engage in a conversation with me, they were met with brief mumbled responses that quickly ended in awkward silence.

She pointed out the truth of the matter; shyness is just pride. Being shy comes from being overly self conscious, which comes from fear.  What if I make a fool of myself? What if I’m humiliated/laughed at/ignored?  What it came down to was the fact that I wasn’t thinking of others, I was using my introverted personality as an excuse to be selfish.   People weren’t impressed by my coyness, they just thought I was rude.  And I was.

Over the years, conversing and mingling has become much less painful for me.  And yet any time I am confronted with experiencing anything out of my comfort zone, which is often, I find myself needing to repeat in my head “shyness is pride“.

Usually when I admit to this anyone they find it difficult to believe, seeing as though we frequent large gatherings in addition to opening our home regularly.  Each occasion stretches me, pulls me out of my own insecurities as I place my attention on the needs and interests of those around me.

And, if anyone would have told me those many years ago in high school that I would eventually be singing into a microphone in front of people every Sunday afternoon, I wouldn’t have just laughed, I would have suggested they begin wearing those nice white jackets with all the helpful buckles.

I’m still being stretched.

My dear husband wrote on Facebook today, “my baby (aka supermom) is not feeling well. ” which led to a number of inquiries, each wondering how I’m doing.  And then, if I actually answer honestly I’m often met with, “What? I didn’t know about any of that!” meaning, of course, that since they read my blogs they assume they know most everything about me.  Which is somewhat true.  But.

I don’t normally write about stuff like, say, the fluid filled membranous sacs that frequently grow on my ovary.  I know. Ew.  Part of me feels somewhat dishonest, as if I’m sidestepping a large part of my life, especially since their unwanted presence has such an impact on me.  I did mention it once, I think.  It’s just one subject I avoid since experiencing increased traffic, because frankly, who wants to read about that?

Besides, throwing out anything health related usually means one is bombarded with everyone’s opinion about how you should be handling it.  The fact is, many women deal with ovarian cysts.  It’s not like they’re really unusual.  The sad part is, conventional medicine offers nothing beyond “wait and see” and then cutting them out if they get too big, or going in for intravenous antibiotic if they burst.  Preventative measures are nonexistent, besides taking birth control pills.

So, without going into great (boring) detail of all the icky symptoms, for the most part I have learned to cope while learning how to treat them naturally.  But that takes time.  When one does grow rather large, it is apparent to me and I pray that when it bursts it isn’t painful.  Some are, some aren’t.  However, even after that is finished the following weeks continue to be difficult as the toxic fluid is absorbed.  I continue to use natural supplements to keep help my immune system remain strong throughout the additional burden.

And then this week I developed a urinary tract infection that is putting up quite the fight against my arsenal.  Sigh.

So.  There it is.

I’m laying low, which basically means I’m still in my pajamas at lunchtime, laying on the couch spending way too much time online, begging the kids to not make a really huge disaster.

The really good thing about days like this is the increased appreciation I have for the days that I feel good.  I am truly blessed.

I am upstairs sitting on my daughter’s bed, tapping away on my laptop while Angel Imp tries to settle down for a nap.

Baby is downstairs looking for me.

“Mom!”  he yells.

From the very first time he said my name months ago, it wasn’t the usual sweet “Mama” we expect from a beginner talker. No, it was and always has been a firm, loud “Mom!”

He calls out again.  “MOM!”

I come down the stairs and am greeted with his ear-to-ear grin.  I pick him up and he places both hands on my cheeks, leans his head close to mine and whispers, “Mommmm.”

He pats my hair and then tilts his head back and smirks at me.  “Mom” he says again.

“What?” I reply softly.  He leans in again, and pretends to whisper a secret.

“Eyahgagagah.”

Then he’s squirming to be put down.  As soon as his feet touch the floor, he’s off and running…

…growing up way too fast.

If the top-selling magazines are the result of a mindset that is individualistic and leads to a self-fulfilling, self-satisfying life…

Then why is the majority of their content about how to please your man sexually?

Part one is identifying stones.

Part two is how the Bible defines love.

Part three is practicing Titus 2.

Part four is jewels in her crown.

The entire Bible is a picture of marriage – the love of the Bridegroom toward his Bride.

Our marriages are to be a picture of heaven on earth.

Above all,  Jesus should be our first love.  Only he can satisfy our every need (not our husband).

Expectations, disappointments and needs threaten to overtake, and our marriage suffers.  When we are completely fulfilled in Him, when having Him in our life and heart is more than enough despite any circumstance, then we are freed.

• Remember Jesus example of selfless love.
• Apply His kingdom principles to your marriage.
• As you seek to serve by pouring yourself into your husband, you will discover a greater joy than any amount of self-focus could bring.

Our marriage can be a victorious outflow of our passionate relationship with Jesus.

None of this stuff is what we want to hear.  It’s sure not what I want to hear!  I’d much rather follow the crap I read and hear everywhere that tells me to do whatever the hell I want, look out for myself first and foremost, and just look inside my heart for the answers.

So if you’re one to laugh at this kind of series, that’s okay.  You can have all the tired narcissistic dribble sold as the latest progressive approach to an enlightened marriage.

Cuz you know what’s funny?  Whenever I even begin to do any of that “I deserve, I am the answer, I demand” it’s-all-about-me garbage, stuff starts going down hill.  And fast.

Wow, it’s been quite a week.  I feel like I’ve been put through the wringer on this series.  We’re gonna take a breather and balance it out with some hard-hitting stuff for the guys.  Look for the next part from Robb’s Fair and Balanced series sometime next week.

The first part is Identifying stones.

The second part is how the Bible defines love.

The third is practicing Titus 2.

What if we replaced those stones with jewels? Instead of responding in negativity and selfishness, it’s possible to treat our husbands in a way that is like adding to a collection of precious jewels. So what could some of those jewels be?

A very true over simplification is – for a husband to be content he simply needs 3 things: food, sex and respect.

Okay, seriously now.
• Instead of being preoccupied or frivolous, seek to be an efficient help-meet and run a smooth-running, orderly home, considering his needs, time schedule, available resources.

• Instead of accusing him of insensitivity, making excuses, or simply cooperating, seek to give him pleasure, fulfill his desires, and thrill to both give and respond.

• You practice thankfulness and having a joyful spirit despite your circumstances.

• You seek to give, be a blessing to others and your husband, and attempt to grow in grace and knowledge.

• You seek to make your home a place of safety where your husband can be encouraged and satisfied.

• You greet him lovingly.

• You take initiative.  You choose to fill your time in useful pursuits and efforts that bless others.

• You choose to reverence your husband in your daily life.

There are many more ways you can collect jewels in your relationship with your husband.  May we be willing to do them.

Proverbs 12:4
A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that makes him ashamed is as rottenness to his bones!

Look for the fifth and final part tomorrow!

Part 1 identifying stones.

Part 2 how the Bible defines love.

Let’s dig in further. Titus 2 speaks a lot about women, wives, and mothers.

Titus 2
Concerning what they instruct the young women, They are to teach what is good… that the word of God is not blasphemed or reviled. It then lists eight characteristics the older women should teach the younger women, which we’ll list and then give some brief examples of how that may practically look.

(These instructions overlap in their applications)

1.    be sober

Marriage is a celebration, but also a grave responsibility.
Definition of this sober: to do one’s duty, be moderate, self-controlled, thoughtful, and learning to make wise decisions and judgments.
With your husband’s goals and visions in mind, you are planning and preparing ahead of time.
Exercising self-discipline.

2. love your husband

Our ministry is ultimately our husband.
Definition of this love:  phileao, as a companion and friend. Love him with a tender, affectionate love.
God meant for wives to be a comfort, a blessing, a reward, a friend, an encourager.

But more than being best friends, you are to be one flesh as it says in Ephesians 5.
1 Cor 7:2-5 Speaks of rendering due benevolence (giving sexual gratification) to each other, with each not having power of their own body but of each others. Defraud not one the other!
Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled. Hebrews 13:4

When denying your husband intimacy (anger, weariness, not in the mood) imagine the Devil lying in bed between the two of you, grinning.

3. love your children

Value children and view them as blessings. Be willing to spend time training them, caring for them and lovin’ on them.
The most precious and important gift a mother can give her children is to love their Daddy, being satisfied and content, and have a home of peace.

4. be discreet

As a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman without discretion. Proverbs 11:22

Many definitions.
prudent, avoiding error, wisdom in choosing – Husband being able to trust in you, as you seek godly counsel and wisdom, use resources wisely.
Courteous and gracious – considering others (husband) above yourself.  Trusting in his decisions. Honoring his authority without guile.

5. be chaste

also translated as pure or clear.
Keeping pure in thought, motive and action.

whatsoever things are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report; if [there be] any virtue, and praise, think on these things. Phillipians 4:8

Chaste also refers to modesty.
Your beauty is a treasure from God, intended only for your husband.

6. a keeper at home

Your marriage is now your career.
Your husband owns a grand enterprise and you are the manager.
His life, his agenda, becomes yours.
Creating a home is more than decorating and cleaning.  It is making a place that he loves to return to every day.  Oasis.
Practicing hospitality.

7. be good

[Whoso] findeth a wife findeth a good [thing], and obtaineth favour of the LORD. Proverbs 18:22

She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:12

So what is good?  Proverbs 31 describes actions to tell of how she will do good.
“seeks, works willingly, brings,  rises, gives, considers, buys, plants, girds, strengthens, perceives, stretches out her hands out.

Titus 3:14 says also learn to maintain good works for necessary uses, that they be not unfruitful.

8. obedient to own husband

1 Corinthians 11:3 The head of every man is Christ and the head of the woman is the man, and the head of Christ is God.

Genesis 3:16  thy desire shall be to your husband and he will rule over you.

It is natural for a wife to yearn for her husband’s attention, place, role.  To easily take upon herself what is not intended for her.

Ephesians 5 says Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Submission to your husband is submission to Christ.
It is not dependent on if your husband is righteous, wise, obedient, etc.

Second part says “own” husband.
Be careful that you do not heed another man (pastor, dad, respected friend) over your husband.

Look for the fourth part tomorrow, where I talk about something women love; jewels!

If you missed the first part, read Identifying stones.

Biblical concept of love

The Bible has a lot to say about love.  Let’s look for a moment at Jesus’ simple illustration of love.

John 13:34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.

Look at that part “Just as I have loved you”.  At the beginning of this chapter he had been sitting with his disciples, and then got up and washed their feet.
What had they been doing to deserve this?  NOTHING.  In fact, they had been quarreling among themselves, blaming, etc.

Jesus demonstrated a love of service and self-denial and then said,

“For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you.”

This applies to all form of love, including marital.  We often think of marriage in terms of “choosing” the right one, “taking” their hand in marriage, and other acts of what we receive.  But marriage is about giving yourself to another person.
God turns our ideas upside down!

Luke 22:26 Rather, let the greatest among you become as the youngest, and the leader as one who serves.
John 13:14 If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet.

Colossions 3:16 commands wives to submit to their husbands.

Okay, ladies.  Let’s not freak out over the “s” word.  While Jesus lived here as God in the flesh, he had great respect and love for the women in his life.  (Christianity has the highest regard for women and children than any other major religion, but that’s another subject.)  So what I’m saying is, he’s not about to tell us in Scripture to do something that will demean us or be to our disadvantage.

There have been, and always will be, those who twist Bible verses to justify mistreatment of women.  Scripture does not support abuse, and women in that situation should seek help.

As for mutual, servant love in a healthy, God-honoring marriage..  For what purpose do we do this?  The verse just above that says

And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

So we do it in the name of Jesus, in the spirit of thankfulness to God.  It goes on to speak to husbands, children, fathers and servants, then ends with

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

So this submission to our husbands is to be done heartily, as if we are submitting to God.

So just as love is not contingent on the other person’s worth, whether they are deserving, or what they can give in return.
Jesus was demonstrating an unconditional, forgiving, love.  It is a self-LESS love.

Ugh, this is hard.

But remember those stones I talked about yesterday that can we can carry around? Imagine trying to hug someone with both arms while still holding a pile of rocks. It’s pretty much impossible. Holding stones of resentment and selfishness prevent us from truly loving as we should.

See ya tomorrow!

Last week I was accused of something I have never, ever been accused of before.  I was charged with encouraging feminist thinking.

Um, what?

Normally, my smear campaign and hate mail revolve around the fact that I hold a strong biblical view of women and marriage. (Ladies don’t like being told that it’s not all about them.)

So, me encouraging a feminist spirit? It still makes me chuckle!

And so, to give more ammunition to my cute little gremlins who take issue with my traditional perspective of females, as well as to poke fun at the fact that someone actually tried to stick the feminist label on me, I’ll be reposting a series I did last year, A Wife of Purpose.  Hey, I’m all about ticking pretty much everyone off.

It’s not an exhaustive study, and I only touch briefly on many of the topics.  It’s basically to give an overview on what it means to be a wife of purpose, according to the Bible.

Besides, in just the past few months we’ve had numerous people comment admirably on our marriage.  I am thankful, but most do not realize what goes into having a truly blessed marriage.  I said it then and I’ll say it again, most do not want to do what it takes to have a wonderful marriage. I know there’s plenty of times that I don’t.  It’s hard.

Doing this study reminds me how much I fail regularly, but also gives me a renewed gratefulness for how far we’ve come.

Here’s Day 1, identify stones.

I remember that as I was planning to marry, I thought I was aware of what was ahead.  Not specifically of course, but generally speaking I thought I had an idea of what marriage would be like.

It was similar to this romantic concept of love:
You find a soul mate to experience life’s treasures and pitfalls with, create a family, and grow old together.

But someone described marriage this way:
Marriage is the continuous process of getting used to things you never expected.

Stones that weigh us down

Let’s imagine some circumstances or possibilities of married life. Whenever we incorrectly respond to our husband due to not practicing a biblical concept of love, imagine that becoming a stone that we carry.  These stones eventually weigh us down and become rocks of bitterness or resentment in our heart.

• You are busy and stressed, and you resent that he doesn’t help with anything or seem concerned.
• You are emotionally and physically exhausted, he’s neglected to be attentive and affectionate for several days, and you’re annoyed that he now desires to be sexually intimate.
• You have reason and justification for your lack of smiles and joyful spirit.
• Money is tight, but he makes what you consider to be an unnecessary purchase
• He is failing miserably in an area, and you speak critically to him or of him.
• He is 2 hours late, and forgets to call.  You greet him at the door with your problems and complaints.
• There is much around the home that needs to be done, and he doesn’t have the time or perhaps the interest to take care of them.  Instead of finding a way to accomplish them, you constantly “remind” him to no avail.
• You openly question a choice he made that you consider unwise.

I’m sure you can think of some more stones. Or maybe you just don’t recognize some things you do as being a stone, justifying them because you think they’re necessary or just part of your personality.

I mentioned that there is a biblical view of love. In the next part, we’ll talk about what that is. Look for it tomorrow morning!

I hate running errands.

Why do we say “running” errands?  I don’t run as I shop.  I walk.  Okay, sometime I stomp, especially when the store is out of what I really need.  (Again.)  But the only time I might run is when when I’m trying to get around that person who is right in the middle of the aisle, barely moving, staring at the shelves like they just dropped in from another planet and have no idea where they are.

(They’re the same person who always walks with both of their entire forearms on the cart handle as if they’re surgically attached, leaning heavily while shuffling forward.)

And everyone knows that kids and errands don’t mix.

I’m convinced places like drugstores, banks, and grocery stores bring out the worst in poor, suffering children who are forcibly dragged into them.

That’s why I am besotted with the internetz.  Plunking things in my cart with a simple click of my mouse? Not buckling and unbuckling car seats 12 times?  Cozily drinking a hot cup of coffee on my couch instead of avoiding the aisle with the screaming toddler?! Bliss.  Oh, yes.  YES.

Not only that, but I am pretty sure I end up saving money because I don’t have time to browse “all 2,345,819 items” online and tend to only purchase exactly what I’m looking for.  Sticking to the list has never been easier.  I’ve always suspected some places, like Target, pump some kind of hormone in the air that causes people to purchase three times the number of things they went in there for.

Do I need this? No. Do I even like it? No. Then why is it in my cart? Because I waaaaant it!  Will I buy it? No. Wait. Maybe. YES.

Gah!

This is my top-secret list of internet places I have huge crushes on.

drugstore.com ~  Free shipping on any order $49 or more.  When you buy something, you get cash towards your next purchase.

diapers.com ~ When I don’t use cloth, I use Tushies gel-free diapers.  They carry pretty much every brand though.  They also have free shipping on orders $49 or more, so with a case of diapers I add a box of wipes (I like Earth’s Best, Tushies or Seventh Generation) to get the free shipping.  The order usually comes the next day or at least within 2 days.

michigan.doortodoororganics.com ~ LOVE, love love this company.  I get fresh, organic fruits and veggies delivered right to my door once a week at great prices.  I can make a saved list of what I don’t want in my box AND what I prefer they substitute them with.  Before the box comes, I can check to see what’ll be in it and make any changes I want.  Perfect.

vitacost.com ~ No need to hunt down a decent natural health store, and this one has really good prices.

unitedbuyingclubs.com ~ I don’t actually purchase direct from them, but from a local co-op.   I send her my list via email, and then pick it up a few days later.  This is a huge time saver for me, plus on many things I save money by purchasing things by the case.  Everyone runs things differently, but in mine members don’t have to unload or organize the delivery.  Whew.

Amazon ~ Um, pretty much everything.  But did you know they have grocery items and a whole section of natural “green living” stuff?  Prices are even more awesome if you use their automatic reorder program called Subscribe & Save.

You get the idea.  No, I didn’t create links.  Because I’m too lazy to go through the hassle when I’m not getting a dime for recommending these places.  I guess you’ll have to do the ol’ copy n paste.

I could’ve sworn I did I post like this a while back.  But I couldn’t find it.  Either I’m losing my mind or it was another one of those dreams that I think really happened.

What are your favorite online shopping shortcuts?